Chickening out of shoes......

Well this sucks.

My recent chickening out of buying some MASSIVE Jeffery Campbells with huge spiked heels and my older attempt at walking in mild heels has made me realise that the era of me in huge shoes is over.

I used to have no fear. Heel size was not a problem for me as I frequently bought the larger platform or unusual wedges. I walked to college in heels, ran in heels and danced in stripper shoes at parties. I was fearless.

Then I got hit by a car. As you do. I was told that the damage to my foot could have been way worse if I was wearing heels or strappy sandals. I was wearing thick leather boots which had actual holes torn out of them and the sole ripped off in places. I could see how that could have been my foot and not the shoe. Breaking my knee and shattering my pelvis meant I now needed to spend a lot of time in flat shoes. In fact, I still remember walking to the pub for the first time since in heels and needing my boyfriend to almost carry me. I couldn't walk in them. These were nothing compared to my larger shoes either but smallish plain black shoes. I was shaky and uncomfortable and had to admit. Nope.

I had started switching to ankle boots on my night outs anyway. I always favor a boot anyway for day but now it was starting to be my night footwear too. I noticed I had more freedom and I, at 6ft tall, was not towering over people anymore. So boots it was. Also, I started having a longer walk home at night which meant boots were the right choice.

I've now gotten to the point where buying a shoe with a mild heel scares me. I can't do it. I just can't. I also know, that I still have a fractured pelvis and one fall is enough to put me out of work for a few weeks. I recently moved awkwardly while standing on a bus and paid the price of that for four weeks after. It needs surgery but I can't afford to take time off college and work at the moment. So I keep going......

.......I still like looking at Campbells and imagining what might have been......