Advertising, What they really mean




Shopping for Christmas is now at full speed ahead.  Advertisers want your money.  They will make claims.  These claims sound very enticing.  These claims are lies; lies I tell you. 

As a public service we (me) at “The Cranky Old Man” blog offer these explanations for what advertising claims really mean.


50% OFF - Half of the original price that no one in their right mind would pay because it was listed at three times what it is worth!

FREE ESTIMATE – We won’t charge you for telling you how much something costs.  Isn’t that nice?  No charge to try and have you buy a service. 

When I ask for an estimate I advise the salesman that I expect $15 to reimburse me for my time allowing them to try and sell me something.   Eventually we settle on no cost to anyone.

SURPRISINGLY AFFORDABLE – Expensive as Hell unless you are wealthy, then it is surprisingly affordable.

LEASE FOR ONLY $140 a month – Often claim from car dealers.  $140 from a car dealer means “You just missed out on that offer, but for $375 a month I have a deal for you.”

EASY PAYMENTS – Easy if you have a lot of money.

NO INTEREST FOR A YEAR – Unless you do not pay in full after one year, then you owe all the interest for the full year.

NO PAYMENTS FOR THE FIRST YEAR – The price of your item will reflect this come-on.  Kind of like the no interest for a year...the interest is more than baked in.

GET A SECOND (piece of crap) for FREE – Simply pay more for extra shipping and handling than the item is worth.

Money Back Guarantee If Not Satisfied – Just try and prove you are not satisfied, you will be jumping through hoops.

Double Your Money Back If Not Satisfied – See above…Hoops not provided.

Buy While Supplies Last – Purchase now before people find out what a piece of crap this is and we are out of business.

Only $99.99 – Cost us about $3.98 to produce.  Anything above $99.99 is “Surprisingly Affordable.”

That concludes this “Cranky Public Service.” Shop carefully!