Who Types This Shit?

When will this reporter learn to ignore POLITICO? We do ignore it most of the time, but even jaded cynics can be suckered by something that appears interesting; we click & six short paragraphs in we are reminded why it is to be avoided.

The two bookends, Reagan and Ryan, represent a party that is unmistakably moving from George W. Bush’s compassionate conservatism to a new Republicanism that sounds a lot like the old-time religion but with fresher packaging. To use the language of their youth, these children of the 80s want to dispense for good with New Coke and return to Coca-Cola Classic.

Sweet blood of Jesus, we pretty much agree w/ what we read of the premise (Too many pp. to give them the satisfaction/increased page views so we qualify it w/ "pretty much.") but if TIME® (allegedly, once) was written at a "ninth-grade" level, which level of hell are we on here?